I was speaking to one of my best friends recently and she asked, “How much would I charge to stay at home and ‘take care of the kids’?”.
Huh.
I paused and responded, “That’s a good question. I’ve actually never done the math.”
I’ve thought about this topic a lot for women in general, as equality but more importantly equity, are high on my list… but I had never thought about putting my motherhood, better put, the time I would need to invest into monetary terms.
I know that a lot of women sacrifice their career and future ambitions to raise children (or be a stay at home wife). I know that a lot of mother’s sacrifice large chunks of their freedom devoted to children, dependent on another to provide for them. A loss of independence. I also know that most father’s don’t make the same scarifies women do.
Studies have shown that while fathers in the workplace are praised mothers are looked down on and in some instances penalized. For instance, 65% of fathers who took leave to care for a child or family member reported that the time off was at least partially paid by their employer. 57% said the leave was fully paid for.
Meanwhile, only 52% of mothers said their caregiving leave was even partially paid and just 33% took fully paid leave. But I don’t have kids and as a lesbian, an accidental pregnancy was never going to happen. So I was a bit taken back by the question. I had quite literally never thought about it before.
So there I was, 39 years old, on a Tuesday night taking a deeper look into how much I would be giving up in order to stop my current career path in order to stay at home and raise kids. Basically, it boiled down to this… as an entrepreneur, what would I charge… what would be the monetary loss of not working for 18 years? How much would a partner have to pay me to even begin considering this.
“Do the math. And don’t forget to adjust for the wage disparity because you’re a woman of ‘x’ color, this percent varies.” - Tanya Saracino, Founder, Execution Over Theory
It turns out that number is $7.28M. Seven million, two hundred eighty thousand dollars. And this figure is conservative.
A quick insight into the math: over the last 5 years I’ve averaged a 28% increase in income YoY. For arguments sake, let’s say this average isn’t sustainable and instead, every 5 years I would see a 28% increase in pay. I backed out the math and in order for me to even begin considering devoting ~2 decades of my life toward something other than work would cost $7.28M.
Keep in mind, this figure doesn’t take into account any PTO, holiday pay, stock options, employee perks, new opportunities nor does it account for missed connections - the latter two are almost impossible to quantify.
Seeing this number shook me. I had never done the math. First, I didn’t realize I would make so much over the course of the next 2 decades, but the math was there staring me in the face. Even if I never got another raise, the figure would still be multiple millions of dollars. I couldn’t believe it.
I started thinking about women all over the world. How many women do this work for free? Are most pregnancies planned? How many single mothers are there? How many are partnered? If partnered, how many fathers contribute time and money expecting nothing in return for it? After all, the woman is the one sacrificing her body, time and career. I guess some partnered women are lucky and get their meals paid for and maybe even get a small allowance throughout the years for their work… but a lot women, especially in patriarchal societies, do this work for free with little to no help.
Had they done their math? Do men think of it in these terms? How many men think about leaving their careers and quantifying their personal and professional loss? Or is it just a fleeting thought about their pregnant partner? I encourage everyone to do their own calculation. Men and women - know your figure.
Do the math. And don’t forget to adjust for the wage disparity because you’re a woman of ‘x’ color, this percent varies.
Statistics & Sources
As of 2019:
Women are on track to make up a majority of the college-educated labor force this year, marking a historic turning point in gender parity
Women have made up a majority of college-educated adults for roughly four decades, that strength has not always been reflected in the work force
This year's first-quarter findings reported 29.5 million women in the labor force had at minimum a bachelor's degree, compared to 29.3 million men, according to an analysis by Pew Research of data collected from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics
Less than half of all us workers have a college degree
As of 2018:
86% of U.S. women have had kids, a 7.5% rise since 2006
As of 2016:
69% of children under 18 grow up with two parents
23% of children under 18 grow up in single mother households
8% of children under 18 grow up in single father households
During the 1960-2016 period, the percentage of children living with only their mother nearly tripled from 8 to 23 percent and the percentage of children living with only their father increased from 1 to 4 percent. The percentage of children not living with any parent increased slightly from 3 to 4 percent.